Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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