You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
