she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
