so that wasnt chicken after all
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
