Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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