Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Green mimosas i think yes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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