The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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