someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
