Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
