Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
