The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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