I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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