idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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