Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
