You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
