So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
