So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
