i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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