What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
