i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
