put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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