you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize