Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
