We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
