her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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