Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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