You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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