So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
