I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
