The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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