this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
