I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
