How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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