Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
