her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
