I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he puts the penis in happiness.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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