I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
the raccoons are back...
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