Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
