You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
