I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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