Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
