I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
