Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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