dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
