Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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