ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
