is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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