went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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