You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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