Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
