If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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