I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
MIDGETS
????
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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