I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
