I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
