think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
