I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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