Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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