I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
