is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How does it feel to date your dad?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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