babies were throwing up all over the place
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She bit a glass in half.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
