I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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