I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
