All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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