i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
