I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
