I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
