So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize