I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
