So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
