So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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