At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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