He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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