Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
