I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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