did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
