I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
