I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize