Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
