Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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