Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Randomize
