I think my vagina is haunted
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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