dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
