I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
