hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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