the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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