You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
