Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I party with great urgency now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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