i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
