The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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