I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
