I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have feelings that need drinking.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize