update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
