They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
